How Can Obama Woo Hillary Voters?

Not with kisses or offering to go down on his knees. Unless he goes down on his knees bare-assed for a prime-time spanking during which he makes the following admissions:

"I don't really have enough experience to be an effective president."

"I set out on this campaign driven by personal ambition and a pack of sour-graped male colleagues who sought to capitalize on my popularity with the media to topple Hillary."

"I have allowed my supporters to baselessly brandish the race card against my opponents."

"My messages of change and new politics are empty slogans -- the real messages of my campaign are -- Hillary is a monster and the Clintons never really did anything for us anyway."

"I took advantage of money from Tony Rezko for personal gain and I'm lucky he didn't call in his marker before my presidential campaign."

"My political career has been marked by a restless eye always on the next prize."

"I knew Rev. Wright was a political asset to me as a state senator and a liability to me in national politics. I dodged legitimate questions about my judgement by giving a beautiful speech that answered nothing to the point of what I knew or when -- the purpose of which was to shift the conversation and save my ass."

"I'm still smoking."

I would feel much better about voting for him if this happened.